


Donny's Cherry Nipple Surprise

by warmommy



Category: Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Modern AU, Nipples
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 21:26:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18199526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmommy/pseuds/warmommy
Summary: Uh...yeah.





	Donny's Cherry Nipple Surprise

_‘I’m having a shitty day.’_

Read 15:43.

 

Really, it was unfair to have the entire day’s frustrations heaped upon one person, and a person who had nothing to  _do_ with those frustrations whatsoever, except Donny was supposed to be the one you could turn to when days were shitty. It was unusual and unlike him to leave something on read for more than two hours–well, maybe the day had made you overly-sensitive. It wasn’t right to flip out on someone just for not getting back to you. Still seemed dick-ish to let it sit on read so long without so much as an emoji–okay, okay, enough…

The moment you unlocked your front door, you were greeted with a wall of burnt  _everything_ smell, and the smoke alarm went off. 

“Donny!” you cried out, already rushing to the kitchen.

“I got it! I got it!” he shouted back, and you could see him wafting smoke away from the alarm with a dishtowel. “Don’t come in! Hey, how come you didn’t say nothing about my cherry nipples? Not nipple-y enough for ya?”

A shitty day at work, thinking the house was on fire when you came home, being upset with him for not texting you back to check on you, all those things were swirling around in your mind, forming a block of ‘too fucking much’.

Cherry. Nipples.

Cherry nipples?

_Nipple-y enough?_

“Excuse me, but what the fuck?” you asked through soft laughter. “Donny, what are you doing in my kitchen? We just painted, don’t burn it down.”

“It ain’t burnt!” he called back defensively. There was a pause. “You…didn’t get my cherry nipples?”

“This is just getting more alarming as it continues, you realise?” You sat in a chair at the dining table and waited with anxious amusement. 

“Oh no…”

Oh, no.

“I guess Smitty got the strangest nude of his life today…See, what had happened was I was on the way home when I got your message, but I was driving, and when I got home I…I put whipped cream and cherries on my nipples. To make you laugh, you know, maybe score some sexytimes. But I sent it to him on accident…”

It took a second for the full effect to take place, but you couldn’t even hold yourself up, you were laughing so hard. 

Seemingly with the situation under control now, Donny leaned out of the kitchen with big smiles for you. “Hey, I did that shit outta  _love_.”

“You really, really shouldn’t have him programmed into your phone as Wife #2,” you said, still battling the belly laughs, still wiping tears from your reddened eyes and cheeks.

Donny snickered and went back into the kitchen. “Yeah, he says he’s rightfully Wife #1, too.”


End file.
